Tuesday, August 2, 2005

2005 Punchy Award Categories

Rookie of the Year (Female)
Rookie of the Year (Male)
MVP (Female)
MVP (Male)
Most Improved Playa
Golden Glove Female (Top Fielder)
Golden Glove Male (Top Fielder)
Best Dressed
Fan of the Year
Biggest Shit Talker
Most Time in Chiner
Best Pregnant Player

Monday, August 1, 2005

Thanks/2005 Punchies

Thanks to Ben for putting together the game summary (see below) that meticulously describes the final game of the year. It is by far the most creative and entertaining Bulldog Blog post of the year. I’m surprised that news of the game events have been relegated solely to the blogosphere and haven’t been covered by the traditional media outlets.

Just a reminder, the 2005 Punchies (Bulldog Softball Award Dinner) will be held at Buca in downtown Minneapolis on August 11. I hope to see everyone there.

View Evite

Friday, July 29, 2005

Final Game Revelations and Exultations!

What an honor to be chosen by coach Ando to report on the final game of the 2005 Bulldog season!

As many of the regulars were gone, I'll do my best to provide an in-depth review of arguably the best game of the season. My apologies to all as it's been over a week since the game was played, so my memory is a bit foggy on how things went down here's what I recall:

Inning One: Karl started the game off true to form shooting for the inside corner and letting the opposing bench know who was going to own the plate that night. In keeping with Bulldog tradition the first batter walked, but the puddle of sweat beneath our opponent's bench was a sure sign it was going to be our night! After putting down the two, three, and four hitters, it was the Bulldog's turn to run! The top of the order put on a hitting clinic and drove the stake of fear deeper into the opposition. The inning ended with Bulldog on top 5-0.

Inning Two: Karl once again went right at the first two hitters with his inside-stuff, and surprisingly drew a warning from the umpire. Zara, who was catching at the time, went ballistic and defended her battery mate. How and why she wasn't ejected escapes this poor writer, but needless to say we all breathed a sigh of relief when cooler heads prevailed and the game began anew. As can be expected, the episode had left a bad taste in everyone's mouth, and we later surmised the ump had accepted a five-dollar bribe from the opposing manager (which must have instigated the warning), but we'll get to that later. Because of all the commotion, the defense wasn't top-notch and nor were the Bulldog bats. At the end of two, it was a barn burning 5 - 4 slugfest!

Inning Three: This is when things got interesting! Bulldog had regrouped and forced two outs while loading the bases when the sound of twisting metal pierced the air and the dynamics of the night took a dramatic shift: the nightly train that graces an occasional game had derailed off the right field foul line spilling it's cargo of jet puffed marshmallows over an area stretching nearly to right center field. The Momars (having just completed their season prior to our game) were buried alive in the white mess and as far as I know have not been seen since. I later found out no rescue attempt was ever made as no one liked them anyway but that's a side note.

Back to the story. Our beloved Bulldog comrades all escaped injury, and hope sprung fourth that the game may be called with Bulldog victorious in a 2 ½ inning showstopper, but the ump insisted that ground rules stated that the field being inundated with marshmallows was specifically not grounds to halt a game according to Rule 34.758 B. As Brian Kelly (the team's rules expert) was absent pending child, what could we say? By the time the whole thing got sorted out, a semi-liquid goo had replaced the puffed mounds of marshmallows which made playing the right side of the field tricky to say the least. Damn the July heat! The next batter as could have been predicted sent what should have been a can-of-corn into right center field, but Liz had no chance at navigating the sticky landscape. Her full-out dive into the goo showed her guts and willingness to go all out for her Bulldog teammates, but alas she came up just short of the prize! By the time RBar got to the ball, the bases had cleared and we were facing a 5-8 deficit. Karl, pissed at having given up the lead, brought out his special stuff and got the final Village Idiot to strikeout looking.

Before the bottom of the third, we huddled up and strategized on how to use the mess in right field to our advantage when to our surprise, a Minneapolis Public Works clean-up crew was on the scene placing new sod over the mess. Boy was Karl pissed! The interim manager stormed the ump with a ferocity and lexicon that made Zara's attack look tame. Not surprisingly, he was immediately ejected and ordered to leave the premises. In the commotion of restoring the field, however, Chrissy & Meg slipped away and helped Karl disguise himself as our new pitcher Karla. Impressively, Karla pulled off the transformation into a woman with ease and played the part remarkably well. TJ had somehow been left out of the ruse, and made a pass at the newest lady Bulldog! We all chalked up TJ's strikeout that inning to the fact that he couldn't see given the dirt Karla had thrown in his eyes. Luckily, Cam came up with the big hit that inning when he cleared the bases with a triple. At the end of 3, it was all knotted up at 8 runs each.

Inning Four: Karla approached the ump prior to Bulldog taking the field in the 4th and apologized for the rude behavior of the previous pitcher. Luckily, the size of Karla's fake rack was distracting enough that Blue didn't catch on to the fact that Karla was sporting an Adam's apple. A flutter of the eyes and brief kiss on the cheek bought Karla three quick outs in the top of the fourth, and our suspicions were now clearly raised about the integrity of the ump. The two newcomers, Jeff and Rutherford (actually I can't remember the other guy's name, so we'll go with Rutherford) led the Bulldog charge in the bottom of the fourth as their bats generated three runs and a new commanding 11-8 lead!

Post Inning Four, but prior to Inning Five: A veteran softball player knows that games are actually won in-between the innings and not on the field. TJ was the first to notice suspicious activity between the umpire and opposing manager dating back to the first inning, but we had nothing to go on until then. As Bulldog was taking the field and Karla was tossing some warm-up pitches, TJ alertly pulled the knot in my shoelaces routine and hid behind the Bulldog bench. It was from this vantage point that he clearly saw the man in blue pocket a ten-dollar bill that was still warm from the grip of the Village Idiot's manager. Knowing that umps generally don't carry cash in their back pockets when working games, we plotted to expose the conspiracy by seeing if further bills were hidden in the blue trousers behind home plate!

Inning Five: With a three run cushion, we could afford to put the first two batters on base to crank our plan into motion. Karla then pulled out her Eephus pitch honed from years of training. As expected, the ball was grounded to Rutherford who waited just long enough to bait the lead runner into going home. Rutherford quickly seized the moment and gunned the ball to Zara at home. Concurrently, Karla was running towards home to back up the play (AND to take out his/her aggressions on the despot behind the plate). With the umpires eyes on Zara, he clearly didn't anticipate Karla's forearm finding a place along his jaw line. Two runs eventually scored, but once the dust cleared and the pockets had been emptied from the now unconscious ump, a five & ten-dollar bill told the story! The Village Idiot's manager, knowing the gig was up, quickly conceded her guilt and acknowledged it had been common practice all year against our Bulldog squad. She disgusted our team with tales of league meetings specifically geared to teaching opposing managers how to bribe the ump in games against the mighty Bulldogs. Clearly these tactics are what lead to our mediocre record this year! We all thanked our higher powers that Ando wasn't present for this revelation, lest it spurn the beast within our manager that was created by that high dose of gamma rays so long ago.

Having reached the one-hour deadline with the umpire unconscious and the opposing team leaving the field in shame, we celebrated and savored our end-of-season victory! Our only regret was not having two more innings of blissful softball fun.

Postgame: Was quite festive as we enjoyed some frothy beverages on the shores of the new marshmallow pond crafted by the Minneapolis Parks Dept.

That's all I've got folks. I know it was long winded, but this was one game that needed to be documented for the sake of our grandchildren! See you all at the awards ceremony!

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Final Game/The Punchies

We take on the Village Idiot at 8:15 on Thursday in what will be our final game of the 2005 season. There is an end of year tourney that you have to pay to play. Maybe we’ll try this next year. I heard it’s mostly about drinking beer in the daytime.

Karl will serve as Coach in my absence. Mind him well. BK, Meg, and someone else will be gone too. If you have a friend that wants to come along, invite them to show up with a glove. We might need them.

I have the 2005 Punchies (Bulldog Softball Award Dinner) penciled in for Thursday August 11. Please let me know if this date doesn’t work for you. As an added bonus, everyone that attends will receive limited edition Bulldog softball trading cards.

View The Cards

Monday, July 11, 2005

Steal Your Soul/Interim Coach Selection

Team photo post-game this week. I'm going to bust out the tripod.

Thanks to everyone that showed up for the BBQ last Thursday. It was good times. Since then my yard has changed quite a bit.


View Photos

This Thursday we take on the Crappies at 7:15. We came out on top 4-3 in our previous meeting. I would love to run a victory lap for this my final game of 2005. I will be in Chicago for a wedding the following Thursday. So sad.

If you think you have what it takes to lead, holla at me. This week I will appoint an interim coach to lead the season finale.

Tuesday, July 5, 2005

BBQ at My House/No Game This Week

If you feel a little dumb today after the long weekend, you are not alone. I went to work this morning only to discover I was the only one there. It turns out today was one of the “floating holidays” my company observes.

Heed my warning - don’t go to the field this week. We don’t have a game because of the 4th of July holiday. Instead come over to my house for a BBQ kicking off around 6:30.

I will supply a wide array of condiments. If you’re good, we can test my latest batch of homebrew. Bring something of your own to throw on the grill. I’ll make some snacks/sides. BYOB applies unless you are a fresh honey.

I live at 3607 Longfellow in south Minneapolis.
View Map

If you need help, call me mobile at 612-735-1234.

Best Game Ever

If you weren’t there last Thursday, you missed our best game of the season. It’s fitting that we play our best after getting schooled and 10 run ruled the week before.

Everyone was hitting last week and we were making plays in the field at when needed. We ended up coming back to tie Mayslack’s 14-14 in the bottom of the 7th inning. Even though it was a tie, I am going to tally it up as a victory (tie does go to the runner).

I don’t remember many of the details from the game except that we had an army of players (or should I say playas), everyone hit well and Carrie Erickson hit a home run.

I finally found some iron-on stars to award to game MVPs. They should arrive in time for the next game.
Check Out the Goods

Monday, June 27, 2005

Astlay Amegay Eforebay Allway-Arstay Eakbray

9:15 ame-gay again-way is-thay eek-way ersus-vay Ayslack-may’-say. I-way ill-way ing-bray a-way aby-bay-ized-say ill-gray if-way ere-thay’-say anyone-way interested-way in-way illing-gray out-way e-pray-ame-gay,.

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Ey-thay ad-hay a-way uy-gay ike-lay Obocop-ray at-thay it-hay e-thay ittle-lay ed-shay eyond-bay e-thay eft-lay ield-fay ence-fay. E-hay also-way it-hay e-thay ee-tray eyond-bay e-thay eft-lay ield-fay ence-fay. E-way ight-may onsider-cay alking-way im-hay in-way e-thay uture-fay. Once-way again-way our-way ase-bay unning-ray and-way ielding-fay ere-way uspect-say. I-way ame-blay it-way on-way e-thay osquitoes-may.

Omprehending-cay itten-wray Ig-pay Atin-lay is-way a-way ot-lay arder-hay an-thay oral-way Ig-pay Atin-lay.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’

As you may well know, our little Joey Potter is now engaged to Maverick from Top Gun. I am inviting everyone that shows up for our 9:15 game against Team Hearn Thursday night to sign a petition to Free Katie Holmes. I’ve seen what Mav did to Kelly McGillis and I’m concerned about this dirty little man doing the same to America’s sweetheart.

In our first meeting with Team Hearn we took one on the chin losing 1-6. Karl had the bum foot and AC filled in for TJ in left.

Monday, June 13, 2005

Goal: Reduce Reduce Military Spending

We have another 6:15 game Thursday. The opponent, RMS, is a very beatable opponent.

Last week week lost a close one 6-7. I was very impressed with the heart everyone showed out there.

Opportunity to Trash My House

I'm having a party this Saturday for those in town with nothing better to do. View the Evite

Past Good Times
2004 Party Fotos
2003 Party Fotos

Tuesday, June 7, 2005

Early Game Thursday

This Thursday we take on the Village Idiots at 6:15. Some of our missing teammates (including me) will be back this week. I have a feeling that this is our week to get back on track and blow up for a big win.

It should go without saying, but show up on time so we don't have to worry about forfeiting AND bring me money if you haven't paid yet.

Posted by Hello

Wednesday, June 1, 2005

What's a Momar?

The game is at 7:15 vs. Momars. Please show up on time so we don't have to worry about a potential forfeit! I will be at the park early to get my practice on if anyone is interested. Last week we used the field located beyond left field of our game field for a little batting practice.

Bulldog veterans from the past few seasons may remember Momars as the team with the old man pitcher. You may also recall that there has been some bad blood between the two teams.

July 19, 2003
We only had four girls for this game. We had to take an out at the 10 spot in the batting order. Once again we are accused of cheating. Their first basemen stopped the game to grab their scorebook and make his plea to the ump. I was not happy with him. Neither was Anna. When we shook hands with the other team neither of use said “good game.” We were rebels.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Bring your slingshot and $30

This Thursday at 8 pm The Bulldog (AKA Giant Killers) plays Team Renegade Co-ED (AKA Team Serious). I'm going to show up around 7 with a cracked bat and some balls to see if we can get some practice in before the game. We'll see if there's an open field or check out those batting cages that are located beyond left field of Field 11. Team Serious is fully outfitted with batting gloves, softball pants, cleats, multiple bats, and facial hair . . . so be ready.

If you haven't paid the team fee, bring money to the game.

Friday, May 20, 2005

Team Bulldog with an adoring fan Posted by Hello

Playing is fun, winning is better

We won our first game of the season 4-3 over the Crappies. We played the first inning 2 girls short so our opponents may tried to claim a bullshit forfeit victory.

Karl was a clutch pitcher getting key strikeouts and ground balls. Our defense fantastic with Ben making deadly accurate throws from short to first, TJ was a black hole in left field, and BK made a great unnecessary diving catch. Carrie was key at second, especially when she ran down the dick red haired guy to end the game. Ginger was wise to avoid a ball going foul. Overall, everyone contributed to a great win.

Postgame after the first win of the season Posted by Hello

Monday, May 16, 2005

Save Time, Wear Your Work Clothes

Early game at 6 this week versus the Crappies. I believe they are named after the fish rather than excrement. Let me know if you are going to have trouble making it to the game on time or in its entirety.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Thursday May 12 is T-Shirt Night

Come to the game tomorrow and get a free Bulldog t-shirt.*

Also bring $30 to the game to cover team registration fee, softballs, and misc. overhead. Or it you are a PayPal user (https://www.paypal.com/) you can send me cash instant transfer/echeck style to way too.

We lost 6-1 last week to Team Hearn (AKA M&I Bank AKA Arch Enemies of RNS AKA Reduce Miliary Spending). From what I remember it was still quite fun. I pitched with minimal walks. Ben hit a solo home run for our only run. We had a dude named AC from Mayslack's team help out so we'd have enough guys. I picked him because he hit an over the fence home run the game before ours.

We play Mayslack's this week at 9 p.m. under the lights. We should consider walking AC.

Thursday, May 5, 2005

Feliz Cinco de Mayo!

Game at 8 tonight. Karl is on the DL for a while with a broken toe/ankle. Someone will have to step up as pitcher. Will it be you?

After the game last week the ump warned us that in the future, anyone caught drinking would be thrown out of the game, Not all of the umps are as by the book as him, but it’s probably a good idea to pour your favorite beverages into a thermos pregame for maximum stealth.

Friday, April 29, 2005

Bulldog Drops Opener, Optimism Still Abounds

Thanks to the new kids for coming out to play. Everyone's enthusiasm plus skill level more than exceeded expectations.

Karl-o had a tough 1st inning as a 1st time pitcher giving up four runs and a number of walks. He rebounded at his 1st time at bat with a home run and with some clutch pitching. The initial Play of The Year was made by Zara with a wonderful catch in right field. Carrie later one upped her by coming up with a hard hit ball at 2nd. Final score 4-8.

Zara took photos at The Bulldog. I'll post them when the time is right.

We could use some practice time to help us learn to hit the ball out of the infield. I feel we could also make it a time of friendship and fellowship. Sunday night seems to be a time that works best so I will scout the fields of south Minneapolis to find a suitable locale.

Once again, if you are going to be unable to attend a game e-mail me by Monday prior to the game so I can locate an adequate replacement. My mobile is 612-735-1234 if you would like to hear my voice.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

I Want Women!

I've had some late drop outs for lady players. Mel is out for the year, Chrissy is out much of the year, Peggy is incommunicado, Bush is gone Thursday, and Anne Bye is gone this Thursday too.
This leaves only Meg and Rachel confirmed for Thursday. The rules state we need 5 players in the field for the game. Four ladies are needed to avoid forfeit (although we have to take an out every time the missing 5th lady is supposed to bat). We need recruits ASAP!

RBarr- try to get Leah and Shelly Barry
Everyone else, bring your mom.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

2005 Schedule & Results

Thursdays League #C406D
Bryn Mawr Field Field #11
View Park Website
View Map

April 28 – 7:00 p.m. vs. Reduce Military Spending L 4-8 (0-1 Record)
May 5 – 8:00 p.m. vs. Team Hearn L 1-6 (0-2 Record)
May 12 – 9:00 p.m. vs. Mayslacks - Weather Cancellation
May 19 – 6:00 p.m. vs. Crappies W 4-3 (1-2 Record)
May 26 – 8:00 p.m. vs. Team Renegade Co-ED L 4-7 (1-3 Record)
June 2 – 7:15 p.m. vs. Momars L Unknown Score (1-4 Record)
June 9 – 6:15 p.m. vs. Village Idiot L 6-7 (1-5 Record)
June 16 – 6:15 p.m. vs. Reduce Military Spending L 5-12 (1-6 Record)
June 23 – 9:15 p.m. vs. Team Hearn L 4-14 (1-7 Record)
June 30 – 9:15 p.m. vs. Mayslacks W 14-14 (2-7 Record)
July 7 – NO GAME
July 14 – 7:15 p.m. vs. Crappies
July 21 – 8:15 p.m. vs. Village Idiot

If you will not be able to attend Thursday’s game, contact me (e-mail preferred) the Monday before the game so I have time to find a replacement.

Check for Game Cancel/Inclement Weather

League Standings call (612) 230-6493. League number is C406D.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

2005 Roster


*Has Paid $30 Registration Fee

1. Chris Anderson *
Mean as he looks
952-887-7947 Work
612-735-1234 Mobile

2. Brian Kelly *
Trades hats & shirts for friends

3. Cam Henderson *
Loves Chiner

4. Karl Astin
2003 MVP

5. Sam Weyandt
2004 Rookie of the Year

6. TJ Shaffer *
2005 Rookie of the Year Candidate

7. Ben Gozola *
2005 Rookie of the Year Candidate/Love Zoning

1. Andy Powers
His dog is bigger than a pony

2. Dan Hoium
Avid feral cat hunter

3. Joel Thomson
2004 season cut short by injury

4. Troy Black
Called up for late 2004

5. Shawn Powers
Iowan/Team Chaplin



1. Rachel Barr
Knows a lot about Earth Science

2. Meghan Mattison *
Knows a lot about office furniture

3. Carrie Erickson *
Frontrunner for Female MVP Punchy Award.

4. Carrie Bush *
Very good at yelling

5. Mary O'Regan *
Lives stumbling distance from The Bulldog.

6. Zara Gonzales *
Team photo geek

7. Chrissy
Best dancer on the team

8. Ginger

9. Liz

1. Anne Bye
Has a fun nickname, ask Rbarr

2. Stephanie Hansen

1. Peggy O'Leary
Dog urinated on her head while asleep

First Game Thurs. Ap. 28

Keep this evening open if you could.

I don't have the schedule yet. Mpls. Softball Guy said:

Still waiting for a team to pay. You will receive a phone call by Thurs. with first game if schedules are not ready by Thurs.

I will e-mail team members ASAP with all the info.

Monday, March 14, 2005

2005 Roster - Are you in?

I want to optimize the roster for max playing time and having at least 5 girls and 5 guys at every game. Let me know 1) if you are going to play this year and 2) if you will miss an extended number of games (ie. - have to work Thursday nights for month of July).

Saturday, March 12, 2005

 Posted by Hello

Translation: Last Game Before All-Star Break

9:15 game again this week versus Mayslack’s. I will bring a baby-sized grill if there’s anyone interested in grilling out pre-game,.

We got worked last week vs. Team Hearn aka M&I Bank. It’s the first time in my 3 years as player/coach that we’ve even be 10 run ruled. That doesn’t rule.

They had a guy like Robocop that hit the little shed beyond the left field fence. He also hit the tree beyond the left field fence. We might consider walking him in the future. Once again our base running and fielding were suspect. I blame it on the mosquitoes.

Comprehending written Pig Latin is a lot harder than oral Pig Latin.

1118 Hours Left Unit Opening Day

I registered the Bulldog this morning for the same Thursday league as last year. I have high hopes for this year, a 4-8 season at minimum. Start your spring training routine now.

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