Saturday, September 2, 2006

2006 Punchies Award Winners

View the Fotos

MVP (Male) - Todd
MVP (Female) - Janna
Golden Glove (Male) - Todd
Golden Glove (Female) - Janna
Rookie of the Year (Male) - Todd
Rookie of the Year (Female) - Janna
Best Dressed - Charisse
Sexiest Male - Pete
Sexiest Female - Charisse
Most Likely to Get Knocked Up - Janna
Most Likely to Incite a Riot - Coach
Jesus H. Christ Spiritual Leader Award - Coach
Best Coach That's Not Coach - Jeff
Most Smokes Consumed per Game - Pete
Photo of the Year 1st Place
- Pete

Friday, August 25, 2006

Third Annual Punchie Awards

You are invited, it's next Thursday at Buca.
View the evite

The awards are based on peer voting so Vote or Die.

You will have a chance to win some killer iron-ons that are even better than the stars we gave out last year.

Minneapolis - America's No. 2 drunkest city

Forbes magazine lists us as the second drunkest city in the U.S. behind Milwaukee. Let's take their title away!

Everyone needs to pitch in and do their part next Thursday at the Punchies by drinking until you lose your eyesight.


A Forbes ranking of the Twin Cities' drinking habits is greeted with much scorn and skepticism.

Pioneer Press

Where is the second-drunkest city in America?

Chances are you are living in it — according to Forbes Magazine, at least. The Minneapolis-St. Paul area is surpassed only by Milwaukee in the magazine's first-ever "drunkest cities" evaluation.

"You mean we beat out New Orleans? Sounds kind of nuts to me," bartender Chris Fish said as he filled a glass of beer behind the bar of the Hat Trick Lounge in St. Paul.

From corner taps to government offices, experts on drinking scratched their heads Wednesday to try to explain what the survey means.

In the past, officials have boasted that surveys have been kind to the Twin Cities, praising the area lavishly for health, happiness and overall living conditions.

Or is that just the beer talking?

"It seems like that survey is a bit of a stretch," said Bob Hume, spokesman for St. Paul Mayor Chris Coleman.

Hume said that only two months ago, Kiplinger's Magazine ranked the Twin Cities metro area second in its "Smart Places to Live" survey.

"The criteria there were vibrant, fun, affordable," Hume said. "Enjoy our recreational opportunities responsibly."

How, he asked, could the same metro area be the nation's second-drunkest?

David Ewalt had some answers. He conducted the survey for Forbes as part of a series of stories on the night-life industry. Ewalt said he used a combination of government statistics from 2004 measuring rates of alcoholism, binge drinking, Alcoholics Anonymous participation and other figures.

He was surprised to see Milwaukee and the Twin Cities besting notorious party areas such as New Orleans (ranked 24th) and Las Vegas (No. 14).

"You go to New Orleans or Las Vegas, and they are very liberal about alcohol. You can drink beer on the streets," he said. "To a tourist, they can seem like very drunk towns."

It's likely, he said, that the pattern of drinking in Minnesota is more private.

But some experts said Ewalt's methods might have skewed the results.

"No. 2? I think we should be lower than that," said John Steiger, spokesman for the state Health Department, which compiles records of alcoholism rates.

He conceded that Minnesota and Wisconsin have ranked high on alcoholism surveys, but he said some data can be misconstrued.

For example, high participation in Alcoholics Anonymous could be a sign people are willing to address their problems, he said, and not an indication of drunkenness.

Hume also noted that, with 11 colleges, St. Paul has the second-highest number of students per capita after Boston. That could contribute to a high percentage of binge drinkers, he said.

In the cozy darkness of the Hat Trick Lounge in downtown St. Paul, several patrons — decidedly not problem drinkers themselves — sipped beers Wednesday and pondered the report's conclusion.

"I can see Milwaukee, with the reputation for beer drinking," said Greg Dols, a remodeler who lifted the brim of his paint-spattered baseball cap. "But here? I don't have any theories on that."

Shelley Meredith of Eau Claire, Wis., did. She thought the survey was wrong, period. "Every place has its drunks," she said. But having lived all around the country, she has seen no sign that the Twin Cities could be much "drunker" than elsewhere. "I just don't think that could be true," she said.

Mike Fiumano's reaction was blunt. "I think it's offensive to say that St. Paul is one of the drunkest cities, because I don't see that at all," he said. "I see a lot of young, responsible, business-minded people who want to do right in life."

Bartender Fish walked outside, where patrons were sipping suds in a sidewalk patio area, and he asked one customer about the Twin Cities' ranking.

"As least we are good at something," came the reply.

Bob Shaw can be reached at or 651-228-5433.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Last Game of the Year/When Should We Have the Banquet?

Our last game of the year is at 6:15 this Thursday. The season is coming to an end just when we are getting hot. We won again last week and have won three of the last four games. The one we lost was close too.

I'm trying to nail down a date for when we can hold the Punchies, the annual Bulldog Awards banquet at Buca.

Take this quick survey to choose a date

Friday, July 14, 2006

Team Photos Now Posted

View the Portrait Photos

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Picture Day Part II

We play at 7:15 this week versus Crappies. I had a dream last week that we got into a fight with the MOMARS. They had camoflage uniforms.

Picture day part II is after the game for people that need retakes or missed the first shoot.

Tuesday, July 4, 2006

No Game Thursday/Things to do

Take this week off . Do something/someone you love.

Things to do in New Zealand:
1. Learn how to drive on the "wrong" side of the road. Almost go into cardiac arrest the first 20 turns you take because yer not 100% sure the car is on the correct side. Laugh/freak out as you watch your sister do the same thing, only, on top of that, she's relearning how drive a stick.
2. Go snowboarding. Experience adrenaline rush just riding the bus up the mountain due to burly, hairpin-a-plenty road.
3. Visit pub. Join "guinness" club under advisement of the barkeep. (Next "meeting" the 3rd Thursday of July). Wonder if professional attire is required.
4. Visit Club. Make friends with super fun DJ's. Dance till 5 in the morning. When leaving, dancefloor is still packed, bartenders still slingin drinks like mad.
5. Pretend like you understand what the kiwis are saying. Take 24 hours to realize that "up the hole" (what the hell?) is really "up the hill." etc etc etc.
6. Internally laugh at how ridiculous a Wisconsin accent sounds here. Try unsuccessfully to tone it down. Laugh more.
7. Ride chairlift. Marvel at gorgeous scenery. Trip on the beauty of our planet. Love life.
8. Hit jump. Waste yourself on landing. Repeat.
9. Wear long underwear, constantly, in June.
Good vibes to all of's goin well.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Softball Haiku over Tokyo

Softball winning streak
finally our time to win
let us go get drunk

- Cameron (via fancy airplane inkernet 25k ft over Tokyo)

We play at 7:15p this week versus the Long Shots (green shirt guys). I watched them a little last week. Their guys prefer the dick move of trying to hit the ball to right field every time.

Karl will be making his return the the team this week after sitting out for violating league rules.

We also won last week a-holes! 9-8. That's two in a row!

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Pinata Party This Saturday

The Bulldog Coaching Staff is hosting it's 4th annual summer pinata party in Minneapolis this weekend.

I am in charge of the pinata and drinks. This is all I do and I do it well.

Show up at noon if you want to help me clean the house. Show up later if you just want to hang out.

want more info?
View the eVite

We play at 6:15 this Thursday. Let's keep the streak alive! Read the comment below. It's appears that we have admirers in high places.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

10-7 Bulldog Conquers MOMARS

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Coach Ando Lost for the Season

I hurt myself in the first inning last week running from 2nd to 3rd base in order to get us a run. I am still walking with a bad-ass gansta' limp.

Yesterday I went to medical land seeking comfort. They told me that I tore some muscles and that I would have to miss the rest of the softball season. They really don't have a treatment for me other than rest.

However they did give me some neat Vicodin pills to help with pain. Unfortunately they make me trip out too much to take when I work, drive, or in school. Saturdays are going to be painkiller day at my house. Bring over your power tools. We'll have some fun.

Monday, June 12, 2006

This Thursday - Picture Day I & The Game of the Year

We take on the hated MOMARS this Thursday at 9:15. If we are going to win only one game this year, let this be the one.

We will be taking individuals photos before the game so get there early. I would like to be there by 8:15 so I can set up my tripod and scout locations. Dress for success, don’t for get we have a Best Dressed category in the Punchy Awards (post-season award ceremony).

Ask Dr. Ioss - Groin Injury

Dear Dr. Ioss,
I pulled a groin muscle last night playing softball? It really hurts. What do I do now?

Coach Ando

Dear Coach,

1) RICE (rest, ice, compression, elevation) for about 1-5 days while the swelling goes down.
2) followed by slow return to activity, making sure to stretch and not to return to full activity to fast.

Dr. Ioss

Wednesday, June 7, 2006

Bulldog Update

We almost won the last game. We lost by 1 or 2. Closest yet. Switch buddies seems to be working. All of this without use of the whiteboard.

We found a new pitcher - Ryan of Leah and Ryan fame is almost a pro. That's how good he is.

I forgot to bring a marker for the whiteboard. Someone bring a backup for me.


Sell antiMOMAR goods on Café Press - how about a MOMARS c*m rag?

Picture day - let's have it soon. Probably after a 7:15 game so we still have good natural light. We'll have a couple of shoots so more people are included. Post game photoshoot with Bulldog waitresses.

Ginger - bring my mustache

Pre-game BBQ. Unknown date. I have a mini grill. Someone would have to bring some food. I would bring drinks too.

Bribe the ump with drinks.

I'm having a pinata party in a couple of weeks. I stuff it with beef jerky, mini bottles of booze, and random sundries. My chocolate puddy stuff idea was nixed once again.
Our game is at 8:15 again this week.

Umpire & Fan Brawl in Pickup Game

Associated Press

HILTON HEAD ISLAND, S.C. - The umpire called a player safe on a close play at first base. The spectator didn't like it and threw a beer bottle. The umpire dodged it, then punched the fan, knocking out one of his teeth.

That's what Beaufort County deputies said happened at a three-inning pickup softball game on Hilton Head Island Sunday night.

Tensions between the teams were high because about $3,400 was riding on the outcome, deputies said.

Rony Ruiz, 23, and several other fans stormed the field and began pushing the ump because a run scored on the play at first, cutting the lead of the team they were rooting for to 6-5 in the second inning, authorities said.

After Ruiz threw the bottle at 32-year-old umpire Nelson Montano, he punched Ruiz in the mouth, knocking out a tooth, according to a police report.

The men, whom Montano said are friends, appeared on Monday in municipal court, where they agreed to drop the charges.

And Ruiz's team ended up winning 7-5, Montano said.
- Bulldog lesson learned - don't miss with that first bottle.

Thursday, June 1, 2006

Hate It Or Love It

I have a new level of hatred of the MOMARS. I found their team website and I am upset and angry at what I saw. They mercilessly ragged on their opponents and did quite a bit of bragging about themselves. They also publish league standings (it shows us in last place). Worst of all they are trying to proliferate there unholy images by selling "Official Gear" with the MOMARS logo. Check it out: MOMARS Crap.

Who needs a MOMARS thong? Not me. We need to scheme as a team (offline) on how we are going to get them real good. I don't want to go into it further in fear of incriminating myself.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Ask Dr. Carlo – Ansinthe Induced Blindness

Dear Dr. C-Lo:
Will drinking homebrewed absinthe make me go blind?

Coach A. in Minneapolis

Dr. C-Lo:
It's methanol that can make you go blind. In the old days people used to cut their moonshine with methanol to be cheap but it would cause blindness. Basically, if you are going to homebrew absinthe then you have to make sure you get all of the methanol out.

I googled moonshine and blindness and the first site tells you how to do this. Actually the treatment for methanol poisoning is ethanol (the good alcohol) because the ethanol keeps the methanol from being metabolized into toxic substances. But you have to catch it early or the blindness will be irreversible.

So if you drink your homemade absinth and start to go blind then just start slamming vodka on the way to the ER and you should be able to save your eyes. Then when you show up in the ER with the bottle of vodka in your hand and tell them the story they will call you the smartest drunk guy ever.
Good times.

Dr. C-Lo

Dear Team:
Our game is at 9:00 PM this Thursday
vs. Beersticks.

Coach A. in Minneapolis

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Irish Nachos

I made up a recipe. It was inspired by a long night at McGuinness Pub located somewherre in sprawling suburban Washington DC.

Our game is at 6PM this week. I know it's early, but show up at least 10 minutes before the game so we don't forfeit.

1 pound shredded corned beef
1 can sauerkraut
4 cans of Guinness Irish Stout
6 ounces Jameson Irish Whiskey
1 can refried beans
1 large bag white corn tortilla chips
1 medium onion, chopped
1 cup shredded pepper jack
1 jalapeno, sliced crosswise, plus extra for garnish
1 cup shredded Cheddar
1 cup sour cream
1 cup green onion, chopped
1 tomato, diced

Open Guinness and pour in into imperial pint glass. Allow to settle. Take sip. Have all the prepped ingredients easily accessible to assemble nachos. Take a drink of Guinness.Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Finish pint of Guinness. Take shot of Jameson.

Pour additional glass of Guinness. Sip gently. Finish glass in 5-7 minutes. In a small saucepan over low heat, cook refried beans until they are loose enough to spoon onto nachos. On a large ovenproof platter, spread out a layer of tortilla chips and quickly put a teaspoon of hot refried beans on each chip. Take additional shot of Jameson. Working quickly, sprinkle with some onions, jack cheese, and jalapeno slices. Spoon on corned beef and sauerkraut and top that with Cheddar. Repeat this layering process until ingredients are used up. Pour additional glass of Guinness. Sip gently. Finish glass in 5-7 minutes. Save some of the jalapeno slices for garnish. Place platter in the oven and bake until cheese has melted, about 5 to 10 minutes. Take shot of Jameson while waiting. Remove from oven and place on a trivet or heatproof surface. Pour additional glass of Guinness. Sip gently. Finish glass in 5-7 minutes. Top nachos with sour cream, green onions, diced tomato and jalapeno slices and serve hot. Pour additional glass of Guinness. Sip gently. Take shot of Jameson. Take nap.

Monday, May 8, 2006

Your Coach Let You Down

I feel that I haven’t been a good role model. I’ve been asking my players to play their hearts out for me but I haven’t lived up to my end of the bargain as coach.

What kind of coach doesn’t have a mustache, sideburns, or use chewing tobacco? – A losing coach. I want to be a winner so I will try to incorporate at least one of these essential coaching elements in time for the next game this Thursday at 7 PM. Please bear with me because my mustache and sideburns growing skills are weak at this point. I also am not good at snussing/chawskis/chewless/dipping.

This gives me a fantastic idea. I am going to appoint guest editors for the Bulldog Blog to write about their areas of expertise. Someone will write about facial hair or sideburns cultivation. Someone else will instruct me to be a better chewer.

Box score
Bulldog x x x x x x x
Grumpies x x x x x x x

If you didn’t show up to the game, here’s what transpired:

We played on the wrong bench. 50% reduction in players. There was enough to field a team. The park bathrooms are now open but the lights weren’t on yet.

We were 10 run ruled in the 6th inning. That didn’t rule.

We had a rough time in the field. Letting balls get behind us in the outfield kills us. On the bright side, we hit some home runs. Our offense is definitely the best group of hitter we have ever through together.

Karl had a tought time on the mound. Coach struck out to leave a mess of runners stranded. Grumpy’s were some angry dudes mad at the ball. Tie doesn’t go to the female. Leah found that out. It snowed for 10 seconds.

Expect a lineup shakeup.

Tuesday, May 2, 2006

2006 Bulldog Schedule

Bryn Mawr Field #11
View map

April 27 - 8:00PM vs Momars
May 4 - 9:00PM vs Grumpy’s Shooters
May 11 - 7:00PM vs Long Shots
May 18 - 6:00PM vs Crappies
May 25 - 9:00PM vs Beersticks
June 1 - 8:15PM vs Alaskan Dragons
June 8 - 8:15PM vs Scared Hitless
June 15 - 9:15PM vs Momars
June 22 - 6:15PM vs Grumpy’s Shooters
June 29 - 7:15PM vs Long Shots
July 6 - NO GAME
July 13 - 7:15PM vs Crappies
July 20 - 6:15PM vs Scared Hitless

PLEASE try and show up at the field 30 minutes prior to game time!
Check for game cancellation/inclement weather

Monday, May 1, 2006

Game 1 Recap

Rowdy. Flash mob. Exhilarating. Loud. Disap-pointment.

These words describe our first game versus the hated MOMARS. You just have to dislike a ‘D’ League team that has shorts with their team logo.

Thanks to everyone for coming out. It was the biggest group that's ever turned out for any of our games. In the pasts we had always struggled with getting enough people out to field a legal (5 girls & 5 guys) team. I hope everyone will continue to show up as the season progresses. I tried putting our schedule on Google Calendar but I'm still figuring out how to use it. Anyways, we play at 9 PM this Thursday. If you can't make it, please contact me early in the week to get your absence excused. Please note that unexcused absences will pay a 1 beer fine (Kangaroo court, 2006).

The catcher on the opposing team told me, "It's like your team is having a party. Did you guys come on a bus together?" Then I said, "No, there's no bus. But we could use one if everyone keeps drinkin'."

We have a strong group of playas and will only get better as the weather warms up. There's only one problem. We don't have time to gradually get better. We have to win now. Karl made a bet that we'd have a .500 record this year.
Watch the Video: Karl Tough Talk

Below is our first ever box score (thanks to Ryan).

We struck out 8 times in the first game. Don’t do that. Hit the ball. Maybe the other team will make an error. Then you will be a hero. If we keep striking out at this pace the Kangaroo court will be forced to levy a fine.

Game 1



























Monday, April 24, 2006

Season Opener This Thursday 8 pm!

Show up at the field by 7:40 pm so I can get the squad organized, make the roster, give hugs/rub downs/etc. Be considerate of the time, I don’t want to forfeit because you sat on your ass for an extra 15 minutes to finish watching that rerun of Fear Factor.

This Thursday will mark the opener of the 4th season for the Bulldog (née Donkey Punch) softball squad. There was a strong turnout at Friday’s practice and I am confident that we can be a contender this year.

We take on the hated MOMARS on April 27 at 8 pm. Again we are playing exclusively on Field #11 at Bryn Mawr (it’s the only field that’s lighted for night games).

Also, please bring a check for me in the amount of $35 to cover the cost of league registration and new softballs. Any additional funds will be allocated to the Bulldog Team Party Funraiser. If you showed up for practice, make your check out for $39 to cover the cost of batting tunnel rental.

Words of wisdom – some umps are cool. Other aren’t. Disguise your alcohol (i.e.: can cooler, plastic cup, Thermos) if you choose to indulge. For reals.

Website to Check for Game Cancel/Inclement Weather

Thursdays League #C406D
Bryn Mawr Field Field #11

View Park Website

View Map

Monday, April 10, 2006

Team Practice (batting & drinking) Scheduled for Fri April 21

We will be holding our first ever team practice on Friday April 21. It will start at 6:30PM at Home Run Hitters (batting cage zone) in Golden Valley. Be on time!

If enough people respond back to me, I'll reserve us a cage or two so we don't have to share with little kids and other people that aren't as cool as us. Batting practice will be approximately 1 hour long and will be followed up by drinking practice at the Bulldog.

Bring your friends, male and female types. They might end up getting drafted for the team.

Practice your game faces. The season opener is on Thursday April 27.

Home Run Hitters
8300 10th Avenue
Golden Valley , MN

The Bulldog
2549 Lyndale Ave S

Tuesday, March 7, 2006

RIP Kirbdog

The 2006 Bulldog Softball season is going to be dedicated to the memory of Kirby Puckett.

He had great enthusiasm for life. He loved baseball, pizza, ribs, and burgers. I think it's no accident that I have a great enthusiasm for life and a love of softball, pizza, ribs, and burgers.

Yesterday was the end of my innocense. I am not longer a child. One of my childhood heroes is gone. Let us honor Kirby by dedicating our season to him and by lobbying McDonald's to bring back the Puck Pack Meal Deal and the Kerby Puckett McPhilly Cheesesteak Meal Deal. He would have wanted it this way.

E-mail McDonald's

2006 Season - Who's On First?

We are actively recruiting new and returning players for the 2006 season which begins in earnest on Thursday April 27.

Leave a comment on the blog letting everyone know your playing status for 2006. Keep your calendars open because I'm going to schedule a team batting cage/cocktail outing before our first game.

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